Move over wine, these moms are lighting up This mom popped a gummy before playing Barbies for two hours, and she’s not afraid to tell you why (Michelle Zenarosa/Good Moms Bad Choices)
Society applies pressure on mothers to live perfect lives and put their children first, though how that looks has changed. For 1950s moms, the white picket fence, perfectly kept homemaker was the ideal mother, but today’s moms are making it clear that they’re doing things differently.
Millennials have popularized the “wine mom” aesthetic through memes as they enter parenthood, learn to live with the trials and tribulations of raising children and “adulting,” even popularizing the phrase “mommy juice” to refer to alcohol.
Others are looking to cannabis to support their parenting and mental wellness. Now legalized for recreational use in 24 states, with most Americans having access to at least one dispensary in their county, according to Pew Research Center, weed is everywhere, and moms are becoming more comfortable in openly discussing their usage.
About 17% of Americans say they smoke marijuana, according to data published by Gallup in February. A 2018 study found similar usage overall between Black and white participants, with White people slightly more likely to use (53.6%) over their lifetime than Black individuals (45.3%). A 2018 study by Columbia University found 7% of parents with kids living at home said they smoked weed.
According to information gathered by data company YouGov and cannabis-focused firms Receptor Brands and Sister Merci in 2022, of people who consider themselves “regular smokers,” smoking three or more times per week, 55% were parents to kids under the age of 18.
“Cannabis helps me in certain transitional moments,” Danielle Simone Brand, author of “Weed Mom,” told the BBC in 2021. “I can more easily set aside my workday to-do list, along with whatever challenges and frustrations I’ve experienced that day, and get into the kind of headspace where I can patiently help with homework or make dinner with my daughter.”
Cultural critic and writer Jamilah Lemieux detailed her relationship with marijuana, her mother, and explaining her usage to her daughter.
“Shout out to all the mamas out there who are rewriting the narrative, keeping it realer than anyone ever kept it with us and also just as scared as any of our own beloved moms were about what happens when the world gets its hands on our babies,” she wrote for Refinery21 in 2021.
Other women are even becoming cannabis entrepreneurs, like Sue Taylor, who became the first and only Black woman to own a cannabis dispensary in Berkeley, Calif. at the age of 76, also creating a cannabis wellness line for seniors, Mama Sue.
For Erica Dickerson and Milah Mapp, the cookie-cutter idea of a mom didn’t fit their lifestyle. They found each other as twenty-somethings who were ending relationships, navigating motherhood, and realized they didn’t fit the mold, bonding over it publicly through the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, which has now been running for six years.
“A lot of our podcast is about this happily ever after that women are sold that you become a mom and you become Betty Crocker, and you bake the cakes and you cover your cleavage and you don’t smoke weed anymore,” said Mapp. “And obviously that’s what didn’t happen [for us].”
The duo are redefining motherhood through being their authentic selves, including enjoying cannabis.
“I think that it’s in their best interest for us to not be able to utilize nature for our own health and benefit and enjoyment because that’s really what cannabis is for me, like all three of those things,” said Dickerson. “Do I smoke because I enjoy smoking? Absolutely. Do I smoke because it actually helps me with my mental health at different points in my life? Absolutely. Does it help me spiritually? Yes.”
For Black moms especially, sharing details of their marijuana consumption and implementing it into their self-care regimen is a bold statement, given the history of criminalization of Black individuals because of marijuana charges, many of whom are still incarcerated even in states where recreational consumption is legal.
According to the ACLU, Black people in the U.S. are almost four times more likely than white people to be arrested for marijuana, even though they have similar usage rates. In Montana, Kentucky, Illinois, West Virginia, and Iowa, Black people were seven times more likely to be arrested. In Mississippi, Tameka Drummer, a 46-year-old Black woman, was arrested at the age of 34 after police found less than two ounces of weed in her car and is now serving a life sentence without parole.
“At the end of the day, we are not safer because Drummer is in prison for the rest of her life, her children are not better off by being raised by someone other than their mother, and taxpayer money could certainly be better invested in something else,” the Mississippi Center for Public Policy wrote in a 2020 post calling out Drummer’s sentence.
Studies have shown there are differences in cannabis usage between genders, with most women users smoking to relieve pain and being more likely than men to use for mental symptoms such as anxiety, pain, and depression.
Women are also more likely to hide their usage due to the stigma. A 2017 survey by cannabis brand Van der Pop found that 66% of women were hiding their cannabis use.
“The fact is that women have to make really careful decisions about how they disclose, when they disclose, and who they disclose to,” Jenna Valleriani, director of global patient advocacy at cannabis company Canopy Growth, told Riv Capital in 2020. “And it becomes more layered and complicated if you’re a mother and you have a family, depending on the type of job you have, or how you’re using cannabis. Smoking still carries more stigma than if you’re using a little bit of cannabis oil at night.”
Where does the stigma stem from? Dickerson thinks it’s the patriarchy.
“I think it comes from control,” she says.
She says she thinks social media is helping change the narrative.
“I’m a good mom and I actually just popped a gummy before I played Barbies with my kid for two hours, you know? I think now there’s a face to these things and now you can actually see, whereas before… no one’s gonna show themselves smoking weed because there were a lot of repercussions for doing so,” said Dickerson.
In general, the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast is working to combat unrealistic expectations placed on moms and show them it’s okay to maintain their own identity despite raising little ones.
“I think our hope is just giving people confidence to just be who they are and sometimes the first step is wearing a shirt that says ‘sex, weed and wellness’, because that’s a big deal, you know?” said Dickerson, referring to their merch which includes phrases like “good moms love flowers” and “heal now, hoe later.”
Dickerson and Mapp say it’s important to remove the taboo surrounding not only weed but sex too.
“I think what we are trying to destigmatize especially around moms, moms talking about sex, and it’s like, well, how did you think we became moms? It’s just unraveling the ties, these grips that the patriarchy has around our neck and also that we withhold,” said Dickerson. “I think a lot of women, we uphold the patriarchy as well [by] just falling in line with whatever they say and shaming women.”
Mapp says she continues to work on this herself but is doing so publicly to normalize it for other moms who she says are guilted into changing their lives when kids come into the picture, even though that’s not the reality.
“I’m still unlearning a lot of things, and I think it is a lifelong work,” said Mapp. “We really knew that this was important for other moms to hear the unlearning that we were doing. It was important that we do it publicly, so that other moms wouldn’t feel guilty about figuring their shit out too.”
Mom’s mental health is important
The stress of parenting weighs heavy on mothers, and they aren’t getting much time to recover. Motherly’s 2023 State of Motherhood survey showed that 62% of mothers report having less than an hour to themselves every day and 49% say they feel burned out.
“A lot of moms are suffering in silence because they feel like there’s a role they chose, and this is how it’s supposed to be. A lot of people still believe that motherhood is supposed to be self-sacrificial,” said Mapp.
New moms and those who are pregnant also face specific mental health challenges. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) 22.7% of pregnancy-related deaths from 2017 to 2019 were associated with a mental health condition. The CDC reports that 1 in 10 women experience depression, double the amount of men, and less than 15% are receiving treatment.
“Imagine if [we] were discussing any other serious medical condition. Imagine if less than 15% of people with diabetes received care for it, or if less than 15% of people with heart problems got treatment. We would not find those numbers acceptable, nor should we with treatment of mental health conditions,” Dr. Leana Wen, an emergency physician and adjunct associate professor at George Washington University, told CNN in May.
The National Institute of Mental Health says that self-care differs for everyone, ranging from regular exercise to prioritizing sleep to engaging in relaxing activities to connecting with others.
“Cannabis is great for me; it may not be great for you,” said Dickerson.
A 2020 cross-country analysis of cannabis points out that the plant has been used for medicinal purposes for millenia, and there are anecdotal reports of consumption that relieves anxiety, depression, and mania. However, researchers want that heavy use is tied to psychiatric issues, especially for people who are at risk of psychosis or mood disorders.
Still, many studies on the impacts of cannabis conclude that more research needs to be done. A 2017 report by the National Academy of the Sciences found a lack of evidence to support both short- and long-term effects of marijuana use. Regardless of what science says, medical use is growing. In 2020, enrollment in medical marijuana programs quadrupled from 2016, with over 2.97 million people using, according to the Washington Post.
In addition to the weekly podcast, Mapp and Dickerson offer international retreats for women to get away from everyday life and intentionally reconnect with themselves.
“Children are most cared for when the mother is happy,” said Mapp. “That’s been the biggest lie women and moms have been told is that we’re supposed to be self-sacrificing, and no, we’re not. The only way we can give is with a full cup.”
This mom popped a gummy before playing Barbies for two hours, and she’s not afraid to tell you why Read More